Online Dating Scams

Online Dating Scams

Everyone wants to be loved and no one wants to be alone. Those are two things that scammers count on to perpetuate online dating scams. In recent years, online dating has lost some of it's stigma and has become an acceptable means of meeting a potential mate. Again, this plays into the hands of scammers and makes it easier for some people to become vulnerable to their ploys.

Online dating scams, sometimes known as "sweetheart scams", can be emotionally devastating, financially draining, and even potentially deadly for it's victims. They take advantage of people who sometimes are already in a vulnerable state of mind, build them a dream that they believe in, then they take the victim's money and run.

This leaves the victim feeling even more insecure about themselves than they were before they were targeted. In certain, rare instances, they may even become suicidal. At any rate, many of these crimes go unreported because the victim is too ashamed at allowing themselves to be taken advantage of in this manner, although they shouldn't be.

Who gets targeted?

Often the targets of the sweetheart scam are emotionally vulnerable: the recently divorced or widowed, people who are approaching mid life without a significant relationship in their lives, or, more recently, younger people starting their careers who simply do not have the time to find and court a mate in the traditional manner.

Since the scammers like to play upon the trust of their victims, Christian and other religious dating sites are often particularly hard hit. People tend to be more open and more trusting of others whom they consider to be "like" themselves. Many Christian people don't consider the possibility that another "Christian" would lie to them. They don't realize that the scammers are hiding behind the cloak of Christianity to take advantage of that very fact.

How do the scammers operate?

Many online dating sites do not screen their applicants. Anyone can join - including scammers. Once in, they can build profiles that are complete works of fiction. Photographs used in profiles are often stolen from other people's personal websites, scanned from fashion magazines, or purchased stock photography.

In most cases, the victim is approached by the scammer. In my own investigation into this matter, I've received about 20 emails in about a week that appear to be from scammers. The emails typically play upon a person's vanity (telling them how handsome or beautiful they are), and use stereotypes to make the victim believe that they are "rescuing" their love interest from horrible living conditions - usually in some eastern-block or third-world country.

One thing that the scammer will tell the victim is that they are desperate to leave their country of origin. In all honesty it is very difficult to actually do that. Even moving across the same country can be a very difficult challenge. No one can leave their family, friends, business connections, social network, church affiliations, clubs, etc. without giving it a good deal of thought. Having a partner in a relationship being homesick, missing family, feeling lonely, and having a difficult time finding a place in their new country, province/state, or city can put a significant strain on even the strongest of relationships. It's not a thing that a person does lightly, so be wary of people on the internet who seem prepared to do so at the click of a button.

If one carefully reads some of the emails, one finds that the conversation tends to be rather one-sided. This is because in many cases the same letters are sent to many victims. Some scammers are careless enough to number their correspondence so that it gets sent to the victims in the right order. These are short cons. The intent is to get the victim quickly reeled in, get a few hundred to a few thousand dollars from the victim, and then quickly dump the victim and move on to the next one.

However, if the scammer thinks they can shake the victim down for a larger amount of money, they will go for a long con. They will take more time to get to know the victim, write more personal email, communicate via chats and telephone.

The scams all usually build up the same way. First they build up the relationship. Then the scammer (using common stereotypes) shares their hardships with the victim making themselves seem like plucky underdogs, struggling to face the hardships of the world. Then come the professions of undying love, and the longing to see their "beloved" at their side. Then they hit the victim up for cash.

Types of scams

Ther two most common types of scams are the visitation scam and the financial need to stay online. Other types of exploitation are dire financial emergency, money order scams and shipping scams. Here's how they work:

Visitation Scam: After the relationship has been built up, the victim gets an email from the scammer saying that they can't wait to finally meet in person. They've hocked their dead mother's jewels and have spent every cent/ruble/whatever they have on plane tickets and a tourist visa, but they just don't have enough. If the victim sends the money by Western Union (or some other means of money transfer where the victim won't be able to get their money back once it's been sent) then they will be together in no time. Once the money has been sent, that's the last the victim hears from the scammer.
Financial Need to Stay Online: In this scam, the victim receives a heart-rending email about how the scammer is about to lose their internet connection. They owe their internet provider/phone company/etc. so much money and they have no way of paying it. It would be so dreadful to lose touch with the victim. "Please send money so we can continue to talk to each other. I couldn't live without hearing from you every day." And, of course, as soon as the money has been sent, the victim never hears from the scammer again.
Dire financial emergency: The scammer sends an email saying they've been robbed and beaten and require urgent surgery, or a family member has a serious illness. The victim is the "only" person they can turn to for help. Again, this is the typical "damsel in distress" scenario. The victim feels like a hero - until the scammer disappears with their money.
Money order scams: The victim is working out of the country and their boss pays them in postal money orders, but they are having problems cashing them. Could the scammer send the money orders to the victim? The victim then cashes the money orders and sends the amount back to the scammer. By the time the victim is notified by their bank that the money orders are fake, or doctored, the victim has sent the scammer thousands of dollars. The victim is the one on the hook for paying the money back to the bank.
Shipping scams: The victim is asked to "re-ship" merchandise out of the country. The victim receives packages, and often doesn't know what is in them, but trustingly re-ships the packages to the scammer. Usually the packages contain merchandise purchased in the victim's country using stolen credit card numbers. By the time the fraud is discovered by authorities, the paper trail ends at the victim's home.

Tips for Staying Safe

Carefully research any dating companies you may be thinking of doing business with. There are reputable companies out there, but there are also many that don't patrol their services. Some companies will post tips on avoiding scammers, but when confronted do little to prevent them from using their services.
Remember, no one is ever obligated to tell the truth in their profiles. Just because someone says they are a "Christian" doesn't mean that they actually are one. And the beautiful 22 year old Russian lady who says she's a model could very well be a 45 year old American con man.
Check any photos they send you carefully. How is the lighting, makeup, hair, posing, etc? If the pictures look professionally done, they probably are. They could be scanned from fashion magazines, stock photography, or stolen from foreign celebrity websites. Even regular folks can have their photos stolen from their personal web pages.
Read their emails carefully to look for clues about the person. Are the emails numbered? This could be because the same email is going out to many different people, and it belongs to a series of form letters that the scammers use. Does the person talk a lot about themselves, but fail to reply to your questions? Again, this could be because the scammer is using a form letter and not actually communicating with you.
Although it is possible to meet a wonderful person online (and I know this from experience), you don't really know a person until you've met them in person and spent some time with them. It's even better if you meet their family and friends and get to know them in their own environment, and vice-versa. Physical chemistry is very important to us as human beings. I've seen many cases where love is hot and heavy online, but once the two lovers meet in person, they have no chemistry between them. Don't be disappointed if this happens to you.
Be careful about sending money to someone you've never met. If they are asking money, ask yourself why they do not have someone closer who could provide it and why they are asking you, a relative stranger, for money.
If they are asking for other help, like cashing money orders, or re-shipping packages, be cautious. The money orders could be bogus, and the packages could contain stolen money or drugs. Either way, you could end up with the cops knocking on your door.
If, for some reason you are going to send money, make sure you have a paper trail you can follow if something goes wrong. Be wary of certain types of money transfers. Once your money has been sent off, it's gone forever. Is the person reluctant to give banking details, a working phone number, or even an address? That could be because they don't want you tracing them once they've got your money.

It's difficult for most people to act rationally when they are in love. Scammers count on that. Knowing the tactics that scammers use can help people avoid falling into their traps. And even though it's hard to admit to being taken in a dating scam, reporting it to the proper authorities will help save others from making the same mistake. The more of these criminals that are prevented from victimizing people, the better the internet will be for all of us.